One of the byproducts of all that (though some might argue it to actually be the cause) is that we quit having sex. Often, I’d feel sexually frustrated and felt resentment towards my ex because we weren’t being intimate. We all know how close we feel to someone after we have sex.
This continued on and on so that we continued to grow apart over time. Many experts approach relationship challenges from the “deficiency model.” In this model, they identify what isn’t working, and work to fix those problems. Something is broken, so What doesn’t jive with this approach is that it doesn’t typically address what is the core issue—a solid foundation in the relationship. Rather, his approach is all about creating a solid foundation in the relationship.
It's an elemental expression of passion, desire and intimacy, yet as a relationship goes on, kissing often dwindles, while other expressions of intimacy take its place.
In doing this, there is a stronger bond and a level of goodwill that flows. Well, Gottman teaches much of this in his workshops and writing.
Everyone remembers “When Doves Cry” and “Against All Odds”; you’ll have to dig pretty damn deep to find anyone who remembers “Yo Yo Little Brother”. You see the assholes with girlfriends or wives (or both) and assume that being an asshole was a key part of their success. The small number of successes stand out only because the failures go unnoticed.
This blindspot is known as the survivorship bias, and it gives us a false perception of reality.
By focusing on success and being afraid to fail, you actually rob yourself of the ability to improve. Otherwise you run the risk of following in the footsteps of every wannabe and never-was.
At best, you can follow the overnight sensation that fucked up their sophomore effort.